A List and Critique of Hamlet Ads

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The Snacking Otaku only explores subjects involving such substances just for the sake of curiosity about its chemistry, health effects and its impact on culture and society.

Some of these ads are of a mature nature, so 

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While researching this nibble I tried to find a list of Hamlet ads, thinking some fanatic had done so already. But I couldn't find such a list. So, I had to make my own list. Through a number of sources, this is my list of Hamlet ads I found, excluding radio and print ads. They may be more out there, so that's why I have not called this "complete."

I could've just written a list, but it can be hard to describe what happens in an ad with just a title (if I can find one), which can be hard when dealing with multiple ads with a similar subject. In this case, they were a number of ads involving Santa Claus. So, I decided to post videos of the ads here. I will provide some critique of them, to make this page's content considered "fair use."

1960s - The Monochrome Era

One source for info of these ads was the 1992 commemorative video, presented by Willie Rushton. The following clip of the first ever Hamlet ad (from 1964) is from that video.

A better version can be seen on the history of Advertising Trust by clicking here.

As you notice, its just a camera zoom to a guy in a hospital bed with a plaster-casted leg enjoying a cigar. We don't know who he is or how it happened. There's no story at all to interest the viewer. No wonder many ignore it when researching when the first Hamlet ad was made, erroneously saying the first ad was made in 1966, instead of 1964,

Why 1966? It's because of this ad - the music teacher.

We now got a proper story - a teacher is getting aggravated by his badly-performing student. Interesting, when he smokes his cigar the soundtrack is cut from the terrible tune from the piano to a piano rendition of the tune, like the student suddenly became Franz Lizst. Are they suggesting that smoking Hamlets would alter your perception of reality, like Facebook can make one an expert in medicine?

1965-68

This is an unusual one. We got a Howard Carter-style archaeologist (with pith helmet) chipping into a Egyptian sarcophagus. He pears it open a jar and lights a match to see inside. While examining, the unseen mummy pops out a cigar and lights it with the archaeologist's match. A puff of smoke is made, which puzzles the archaeologist. You'll be puzzled if you saw a puff of smoke coming out a coffin. 

This is a curious one. A spectacled gentleman is in the audience of a classical music concert (with the tune playing over the violin music). He is bored and yawning. He get gets a cheeky idea of bending down behind the seat in front and does something. He then bends back up and blows out smoke from the side of his mouth, like a cool dude. He revels the cigar he just smoked. Was cigar smoking such a pleasure back then that people did it when they got bored in the theatre/cinema? Today, we got mobile games to do the same thing, except way more healthier for the lungs.

In this one, "Escape Artist," a pencil-moustached man is chained up with padlocks and is put into a postal sack. He struggles to get out. after some struggling he light up a cigar and smoke comes out the opening of the sack. If you were doing an escapologist act, the last thing you want is something burning inside the confined space your in - like a cigar.

1968

Here's an iconic one. A man in business attire enters a laundrette. He goes to a washer, removes something from his pocket, and strips to wash his clothes. Its when he takes his trousers off that the female patrons notice him and realise what he's doing. He starts the washer, after stripping to just a white t-shirt, boxers, black sock, shoes and garters and a bowler hat. He then picks up the thing he removed before striping - a packet of Hamlets. He smokes a cigar contempt, like what happened was no big deal, and the women around him continue to chat about what just happened. I was puzzled to begin with, but thinking about it, it can be compared to the iconic Levi's jeans ad - except with no sex appeal what-so-ever. No sex appeal? I thought sex was invented in 1963? Was Philip Larkin wrong?

1968-70

This is an interesting one. A stereotypical caveman struggling to make a fire, by rubbing a stick on to kindling. He pauses for a break, gets out a cigar and a box of matches, and lights the cigar. He then blows out the match and smokes the cigar and returns to trying to make fire with the stick. Are they implying that early man was stupid, by only using matches to light their tobacco? 

This one begins with the camera panning across a the violin section of an orchestra. Is it the same one that bored that concert goer four ads ago? Then the camera focus on the end violin, just as his bow breaks. Fortunately, its just the frog that came off, so it was easy to fix. Then his violin folded into itself. A bit frustrated he puts down what's left of his violin, picks up a cigar he had placed in front of his sheet music and smokes it compliantly, swinging his cigar to the music ... with a brief look at us. A forth wall break?

1960s Christmas ads

Before we leave the monochrome era, here are the Christmas Hamlet ads of this time. I can't find precise dates for them. 

Let's begin with Mr Scrooge.

Scrooge is at his desk finishing a piece of paperwork, by quill. Afterwards, he open a box on his desk with joy. It's his pack of Hamlets. He cuts one in half, characteristically of his namesake, and lights the half he just cut with candle lamp he's using to light his desk, also like his namesake. He is happy, smoking that brief indulgence. The message is clear, even the most stingy like the occasional luxury in life. Even more so during Christmas.

Here is the Santa trilogy.

Santa is frustratingly stuffing his sack with presents. Then he notices one present he's handling is a pack of Hamlets. Looking around like he was about to commit a crime, helps himself to a cigar. After lighting, he stuffs the packet in the sack and continues stuffing more presents, this time more cheerfully and faster. Does Santa help himself to the presents every Christmas?

A different Santa falls down chimney and lands in a fireplace. He dusts himself off, sighs, and removes a pack of Hamlets to smoke one. A simple, basic Christmas ad.

The same Santa from two ads ago? is jolly, until he gets stuck in the chimney while trying to get out. He is frustrated now. He accepts the situation and gets out a pack of Hamlets. He smokes one while pondering what to do next. 

I'm assuming that these ads aired in different years. But they could have aired them on the same night to tell a continuous story. I know a few ad campaigns that have don this, but I doubt anyone did such a bold thing back in the 1960s.

There is another black-and-white one involving a man getting a massage from a muscular man.

It can be seen in the History of advertising Trust by clicking here.

And now the age of colour.

1968-70

The UK's first (and only, at the time) commercial TV channel, ITV, switched to colour in 1969. We can assume that CDP were making their ads in colour in 1968 in anticipation of that switch. They first made their name with print ads in The Sunday Times Colour Supplement. So, I imagine they couldn't wait to see their ads in colour.

A man in a tuxedo is at a roulette table with two attractive women. This gambler is probably on a role and decides to bet everything. He loses and the women walk away. Time for a cigar.

Apart from this one, most of the  Hamlet ads of this era had a historical theme.

A retelling of Custer's last stand. General Custer is firing his two revolvers, until they run out of ammo. A firey arrow hits the wreck of a wagon. Realising he's had it, he picks up a cigar and lights it with the arrow's fire.

A retelling of Napoleon losing the Battle of Waterloo, with injured solders included. A natural choice for British creators to choose.

This ad is a telling of King Canute and the tide. The ad ends with him on his throne, smoking a cigar contempt with reality, while the tide submerges his feet.

This last one is a favourite of mine, as I can relate to it and I like old technology. We got a turn of the century inventor having issues with his radio equipment. It's producing smoke. The inventor shrugs and likes a cigar. Then he presses a switch and the tune comes out the radio. He is more happy now.

I'm not 100% sure about the date of this ad. I assume its from 1968-70, because of its subject matter, how it was filmed (clearly in a small studio, like most of the other historical ones of this period), and the fact it was shown in the first batch of colour ads shown in the 1992 video, which is where I found this one.

1971

Here's an iconic one. We see a crackpot inventor with a makeshift winged structure, designed to make him fly like a bird. He runs and takes flight ... until crashing into a tree. The actor playing the inventor, Julian Orchard, was forced to do the stunt himself. A large tower was built for the stunt and, naturally (after seeing the tower), refused to do it. So a stuntman was hired ... who climbed the tower ... and fainted. So, that's how he ended up doing the stunt himself.

Here' we have a ghost holding his head walking down a armour-lined hall of a haunted house. The headless ghost stops at a table and helps himself to a cigar from a pack of Hamlets placed next to a lit candlestick.

This ad shows a flaw in the ID system in Cinderella. Multiple people can have the same size of foot, which means that more than one person can fit the glass slipper the prince found at the party. In this case, the prince ended up with an ugly sister.

A man unlucky with the mistletoe at Christmas. A relatable event to many, even today.

1972

This proves to be a very productive year for Hamlet ads.

This was very relatable back in the day, a new father smoking a cigar after the birth of a baby in hospital. As he lit his match after seeing his new born child, another midwife comes with another baby. Then another and another. The match is almost burnt out completely. According to the 1992 video, those kids later became the back four for Aston Villa.

Now this is a touching one. A British Tommy is patrolling a trench during a snowy day in World War I and encounters a German soldier. The Tommy couldn't shoot the German so, drops his rifle and offers him a Hamlet. The ad ends with both soldiers smoking cigars in peace. It's a mini repeat of the Christmas Truce.

Another part of British history. Guy Fawkes is trying to light barrels of gunpowder with a flint, but the guards enter Parliament's basement and capture him. A guard searches him and removes from Guy's pocket a packet of Hamlets. The Guard places a cigar into Guy's mouth and uses the same flint Guy was using to successfully light Guy's cigar.

A man find himself tied in knots while practising this new thing called "Yoga." Despite this, he manages to grab a cigar and smoke it.

A race horse refuses to start running in a race, giving the jockey a Hamlet moment. Some may have noticed that the horse is fat, compared to a typical race horse. That it because it is a circus horse, hired because he can stand still all day while filming.

An English Football fan is in a stand filled the Tartan Army. Contradictory of general historical record, Scotland wins, giving the English fan a Hamlet moment, and the smoker doesn't get beaten up. (I'm Scottish, by the way.)

An unusual one. A costumed man leaving a Christmas party notices a sad snowman, who has a cigar in his mouth. The Gentleman lights the cigar and leaves. The snowman now has a smile on his face.

1972-75

Not 100% on the date of this ad. A man is watching a football match on TV. Just as the player is about to score a goal, the power cuts out. Power cuts were a common event in the 1970s, so a lot of men at the time related with him.

1972-77

Again, not 100% on the date of this ad. An 18th century highwayman tries to hold up a carriage. But it just runs pass him, spraying him with muddy puddle water.

1974

An ancient Greek sculptor is carving the Venus de Milo. When he's doing a finishing touch on an arm, he accidently breaks it off. He smokes a cigar in frustration. As it clams him down, he looks at the statue and (maybe) has the thought of lobbing off the other arm for symmetry.

1975

Here is a classic. A man with a neck brace is watching a tennis match. The brace prevents him from moving his head to see the action properly. The man in the brace is John Bluthal, who later had an unaware Hamlet moment when Frank Pickle the The Vicar of Dibley was presenting a local radio show and came out as gay ... and no one listened, thinking his show was going to be boring.

1976

A pavement artist has just finished his masterpiece ... and it starts raining. Hamlet time. 

I'm not familiar with football pools, so I may be wrong here. A man is listening to Football results on the radio. He is happy, because he guessed his results correctly. He grabs his jacket, anticipating a trip to the post office, gets out a celebratory cigar ... and an envelope falls out. Just has he is about to light his cigar he sees the envelope to post his pool ... to a different location than the games he guessed on. A happy moment becomes a Hamlet moment. 

Santa has loaded up his sleigh and begins to whip the reindeer to go. The reindeer go ... detached from the sleigh. Santa helps himself to a present from the sleigh - a packet of Hamlets. Comparing this Santa ad to the ads back in the 1960s, it is very clear that production values have increased dramatically since the move to colour.

This video was labelled with "v2", indicating that more than one version of this ad was made. 

1977

This one was a cinema only ad, showing during the ads before Star Wars. Why would a robot need a smoke, you may ask? It improves internal chemistry of components? I don't know. It's probably the same reason Bender smokes in Futurama. I may no be a smoker but I can tell Bender isn't a Hamlet smoker. Too mass market for him. 

And another thing. This ad was shown before a movie kids were watching. The 70s were a different time, indeed.

1978

A black-clothed cowboy, killed by an arrow, reaches the pearly gates of heaven. An angel with a clipboard meets him and checks his clipboard. He nods "no" and indicates another angel to play the tune on a harp. He smokes a cigar as the gates close. He looks back accepting his fate in the afterlife.

1979

Ronnie Corbett is the cox for the Cambridge team during the annual Boat Race. Then the boat sinks, like it did in 1978 and 1984.

Another iconic one. A man struggles to get his golf ball out of a bunker to get the ball into hole 13. After a smoke he throughs the ball out onto the green. We never see the golfer (except for his gloved hand near the end), suggesting a very deep bunker. Camera zooms to the centre of the scene to frame the struggling golfer's club in the air.

There is a sequel, advertising a special version of the cigars.

We end the 1970s with a favourite for all those flat-earthers out there - Christopher Columbus falling of the edge of the World. Like the transition from sky to stars in the background in the end.

1980

A man is viewing a man water-skiing through a coin-operated beach telescope. The water-skier crashes and then he notices a woman sunbathing. As She was taking her bikini top off, the shutter closes on the telescope. He tries to find a coin but just finds a packet of Hamlets.

1981

Let's begin with the biggest fad at the turn of the 1980s - the Rubik's Cube. If you know Rubik's cube, you'll notice that that cube was rigged to fail from the start.

A Ford Cortina driver enters a car wash. As it starts he tries to wind up his window, the winder handle breaks. I thought this would hinder one from lighting up.

A period piece. A gas-filled balloon (not a hot air balloon) bursts just as it gains height off camera. Nice crashing sound effect in the end.

1983

A man sneezes just as he finished building a model of Salisbury Cathedral with matches. Why hasn't he learned to turn away from it when he was about to sneeze? Considering the detail of that model, he must have had some time to learn that.

Some may have wonder if CDP accepted viewer suggestions for ideas for Hamlet ads. For this one, they did. "A colonel in the Guards" suggested this one. He was paid "a crate of rather indifferent wine."

A motorbike sidecar becomes detached and veers off to a side road. While the passenger is smoking his cigar he goes pass a sign saying there's a river ahead. Shame they didn't add a splash sound effect at the end.

1984

Willie Rushton has said in the 1992 video that Hamlet could have made an ad about Winston Smith been taken into Room 101 in this year, to reference George Orwell. But instead Hamlet made this....

Officially titled "Pink Shiny Dome" a man is in a restaurant with a date. Things are going well ... until she gently places her hand in his hair ... and discovers he's wearing a toupee. The restaurant band plays the tune, in sympathy. The man gets out a cigar a bit happy that he doesn't have to hide his shame anymore ... in embarrassment of the date. 

This ad is an insult to the bald. It's title. It's set up. And the fact the waiter lights a match by striking the man's bald head. It's the opposite of reality. Many women actually find baldness attractive. I guess the studies that prove it weren't done let, when this ad was made.

1984 was an Olympic year. So, naturally, an Olympic themed ad was made that year. Knowing that contemporary athletes frown upon smoking, they set their ad in the past, using achieve footage to set it up. Just as the torch runner is about the light the big torch it goes out. No idea when exactly this was set. 1948 London games? Berlin, 1936, possibly. Not sure, due to lack of swastikas. 

This is a favourite of mine. The Channel 4 logo doesn't form properly. It was made by the same people who made the ident its based on. The smoke must have been a challenge back then.

1985

Another Ford Cortina driver is cursed by Hamlet. This time, he get's mistaken for a scrap car and gets crushed into a cube, forcing him into a odd yoga position.

1986

This year proves to be a great year for the campaign, producing three iconic ads.

A man is invited to a party. He is in a chicken costume and his committed to the role, clucking away as he enters the room ... to find the party wasn't fancy dress. At least it wasn't an actual fancy dress party that later got cancelled because the host died and was turned into a funeral.

A gardener/caretaker makes an Andrex puppy "stay" while he goes to a toilet. The puppy disobeys and goes under the toilet door and grabs the toilet paper, running out with it. The man now has no toilet paper and makes smoke circles through the door's hole. This won't be the last time Hamlet references another product's ad campaign.

This ad is one you'll find in many "greatest ads of all time" listicles. A vain bald man, with a large combover, gets photos taken in a photobooth. Camera goes off in inconvenient times and the stool gives up. Comedy gold.

1987

In "Bigger Splash" Queen Elizabeth I encounters a puddle and Sir Walter Raleigh offers his cloak to cover it for her. She ends up like Geraldine Granger. A guard stops him from leaving the scene and the music starts for him to reveal from his jacket - a potato. Music stops and starts again from the beginning as he throws away the potato and gets out a pack of Hamlets.

Monsters are subject to Hamlet moments too. In this ad, Frankenstein's creation wakes up to find his bottom half comes from a woman. Was the original corpse wearing stockings when she was harvested, or did Igor put them on ... for whatever reason. 

Another monster one. A vampire is about to bite a sleeping victim ... only to realise that he forgot his false teeth. Is it possible for one to forget their teeth?

A topical one. The "Crash of '87" ad is just a line graph on screen, with background noise of a busy stock exchange, that increasingly moves down alone the graph, until it forms a horizontal line. A match appears and lights the end of the line and pixelated smoke appears. The subject is obvious. 

1988

A man is waiting for his luggage at the airport carousel. Time passes and he's the only one left waiting. The carousel stops. Oh no. Then it starts again. Yes. But what shows up is the damaged remains of his belongings. He rescues a pack of Hamlets and smokes one as the lights turn off. 

We see a stop-motion animated groom figurine on a wedding cake that lacks a bride in a wedding reception. The animated groom is waiting for his bride, but never show up. He gives up waiting and smokes a cigar, making a heart-shaped smoke ring.

This is an interesting one. A man wonders a desert and tries to dive into a pool he sees behind a dune. He pounds sand, as it was a mirage. When angry pounding the sand he detects a can of Heineken beer in the sand. He pours it into a glass that came from nowhere and just as his lips were about the touch the glass, its handle breaks, spilling the refreshing beer into the sand. Get gets out a Hamlet and uses a skull as an ashtray. It was possible to do because CDP created Heineken's "refreshes the parts other beers cannot reach" campaign, as well as Hamlets. 

1989

At a department store entrance a queue is present. There is a sale on today and, at the front of the queue, is a man in a sleeping bag. He may have been there for a day or so to be in front of the queue. The doors finally open and ... the sleeping bag's zip has gotten struck. Everyone behind him walks pass him to enter the store, leaving him alone, trapped in his sleeping bag.

A sequel to the photobooth ad. The bald man has a family. Parents, wife and a child with a large combover. They getting a family portrait taken with a timed camera, which is flashing at the wrong time. During one posing session the baby, on the bald man's lap, wets himself. Everyone leaves the room, except for the bald man, who smokes a cigar in a vain pose as the camera's shutter spring unwinds. The camera falls down and flashes a picture of his legs that is presented in an album in the end of the ad.

A bunch of animated turkeys are frolicking about when they notice a snow flake falling on the ground. They realise that the time of years the humans eat their kind has come. The turkeys head into a hut and smoke, hopefully to tar up their bodies to take revenge on the humans.

1990

A number of English football players form a wall during a penalty taken by a Brazilian (I assume). One player cowardly turns around to face away from the Brazilian. The Brazilian kicks the ball over the wall ... and it hits the top goal post ... and hits the coward player's groin. He is sent off by stretcher smoking a cigar. This was 1990. I assumed footballers were giving up the habit by then.

"Scott & Brenda," in a Vauxhall Cresta PA, are in a safari park, seeing a bunch of monkeys. The monkeys strip the car of its body trim and tyres. Those monkeys are organized, with a jack ready to lift up the car for it's nice-looking white wall tyres.

1991

One wonders what was going though the creators minds as the ban on tobacco ads came closer while making the following ads.

A man is on a blind date and goes to the bathroom to freshen up before the date begins. But he has a few accidents. The soap dispenser squirts soap on his face, he wet his crotch with a blast from the taps, the towel dispenser needed force to work, making him place his foot in a mop bucket. When the towel finally releases, he is sent out the door crashing next to his date. He tries to blow it off by acting cool, but he does a Del boy. 

A reliant Robin driver drives to a carnival and parks next to some motorbikes. When he opens his door, he accidently knocks the bike over, which knocks over multiple bikes, like dominoes. The bikers are pissed and the Robin won't start. The driver smokes a cigar while the Robin ends up among the bumper cars.

An animated one about a sperm that can't penetrate the egg. It's unusual, because the sperm doesn't smoke a cigar in the end. It just swims back as the music plays.

1996

The campaign continued on cinema screens, before the trailers.

A simple game of Hangman with the slogan. The hung man ends up smoking a cigar because the player didn't get the latter "H" too complete the slogan. Like it was done with pencil, but they overdid the sound effects.

1997

FOR MATURE VIEWERS ONLY

"Glow Worm," as its officially known, is a hilarious one ... if you like jokes involving condoms, infidelity, and some beastiality. A very happy man enters a darkened bedroom to please his partner, who is already in bed ... for some reason. He drops his trousers to reveal in the darkness he's wearing a luminous condom. As he approaches the bed he feels clothes on the floor and bumps into the wardrobe. Out of the wardrobe were a few other men and a horse .... all wearing luminous condoms.

Nice touch with the style of text at the end. 

1999

Alas, things finally came to an end in 1999. 

You can conclude that the creators had a lot of ideas left to do in this campaign and decided to squeeze as many of them as they can in this final cinema ad. One issue I have with this ad is the stereotypical gay man who rides the ghost train. However, I did like how the carnie did the tune when the ride started, knowing the misery the weeb is about to suffer. 

2003

But wait! they were more? Yes. I discovered they were three ads made for the internet in 2003. I don't know how they were presented at the time (YouTube didn't exist let), but I guess Hamlet put up their own website to show them, before the total ban came into effect. As they were not subject to TV regulations (and internet culture was still in its infancy), two of them are very questionable. Much so that I debated with myself whether to actually show you them here.

The first one is very tame. "Park Car," as its titled, involves a Ferrari convertible driver (Already we got high production values. No Ford Cortina.) getting out of a multi-storey car park. At the exit, the "bro" looking driver gets hit on the head with the barrier.

And now ... the other two ads. 

I should warn you the following two ads can be seen as offensive. But there here because someone would complain about not showing a complete collection. An argument that'll be way louder than whether offensive material should be published in the first place in the long term. Because what is offensive now may not be in a hundred years time.

So, again THE FOLLOWING TWO ADS WILL BE SEEN AS OFFENSIVE TO SOME.

THIS AD WILL OFFEND SOME

So, in "Breasts," we're in an art gallery exhibition opening. A man is chatting up a woman and grabs and eats an cocktail sticked horderve from a tray. While still holding the cocktail stick a waiter bumps into his back, sending him onto the woman ... and an explosion of milk erupts. Yes, the ad is suggesting that he accidently punctured a woman's breast. So unrealistic. I mean, Mythbusters covered exploding implant myths back in October that year. And if her implant did explode, it'll spread blood and skin, not milk, and she'll need medical attention immediately! But hey, I'm just a bloke from 2020, not 2003. 

THIS AD WILL OFFEND SOME

Yes - it went there, SJWs. "Willy" is about a man rich in melanin at a urinal who encounters a shorter man, lacking in melanin, who produces sounds that suggests that he has a very large willy. Come on. You didn't need the race stereotype to communicate the same idea. The ad would have been fine if the first man was a tall white man. No equality quota person would be happy with this ad. I'm just glad few people actually saw it back in the day.

(sigh)

So there you are, every Hamlet ad that's ever appeared on screen - as far as I know. 

There is a possible "unaired" ad, featuring a Dalek and a flight of stairs. But it may have been a comedy sketch parody, and not an actual ad. If it was a real ad, it was made very late in the campaign's history, judging by the graphics. I thought I mention it here, so you all know that I know about it, and you don't need to tell me about it in the comments.

But, please, use the comments section to tell me and other readers about ads I missed ... or an actual complete list of them.

Please note I mentioned one involving a man getting a massage just before the colour ads. Look for the pink text.